I am used to inconsistent love
The heart beats that stall
Which no pacer is made for
I hug you so deep
Because I can see your pain
I can feel it
And I know
The undercurrent
Of your avoidance
Isn’t avoidant
It’s afraid
Because I see it
I hear it
I feel it
Every time you drink
In vehement rants
Always on the precipice
Of accidental violence
It’s talks of god
And good and evil
Offset by the shaking depths
Of true trauma
Rattling up in red-cheeked passions
Of demons
And literature
And talk of our parents
And now I know
It’s you I’m looking for
And I ain’t even mad
Just glad that you were loved
In a way that I’ve never had